How my Coach Saved My Vacation...Again. With Just One Word.

Are you like me?  I make up all these ideas about how vacation SHOULD go, how it will feel, and what will go on.  What should I do?  How will we bond?  What fun will we have?  Even simple things- how many books will I read?  How many walks will I take?

I set myself up for disappointment and angst every time.  But why?

This year it was worse.  We have 2 weeks in NH this summer- 1 week at the Lake that we laid my mom to rest at and one where our extended family vacationed every year.  And, it is during the one-year anniversary of my mom’s passing. 

My mind went wild:

“It’s going to be weird.”

“I should work on my business.”

“I also need to relax.”

“But how do I do that while grieving?”

It was all jumbled together—grief, hope, responsibility, love, rest, ambition. I told my coach all of this in a rushed swirl. She listened quietly, and then said something so simple:

“What if it’s okay to just be in contrast?”

That one word—contrast—stopped me.

Of course.

Why did I think it had to be one thing or another?

Why couldn’t I be both grieving and joyful? Resting and creating? Feeling sad and hopeful?

My “asshole brain” had convinced me I had to pick one. It was trying to protect me from disappointment. But in doing so, it kept me from the full experience of the trip. 

So, I tried something new. I let the contrast in. Here’s how:

• Let go of my vacation “to-do” list and let the days unfold on their own. I didn’t force the perfect trip. I gave myself permission to be spontaneous, slow, and even unproductive.

  
  

• Allow moments of joy to be present and allow the sadness to come in too. I didn’t shove the grief down. I cried when I needed to. I laughed when something was funny. I stopped judging what I was feeling.

  
  

• Be extra gentle and kind to myself and those around me. This trip was emotionally loaded for everyone. I reminded myself: we’re all doing the best we can, especially when grief is in the air.

  
  

• Make space for new memories while honoring the traditions and rituals. I walked familiar paths with fresh eyes. We told old stories and made room for new ones. It wasn’t one or the other—it was both.

  
  

• Let familiar places calm you and new spaces refresh you. There’s something powerful about returning to places that feel like home. But there’s also energy in exploring new corners. I let both soothe and inspire me.

  
  

 In the end, this trip wasn’t what I had imagined—it was better. It was real. I rested. I worked a little. I laughed. I cried. I hugged tighter. I sat quietly. I let the contrast guide me instead of fighting it.

Thank you, Katie, my dear coach, for helping me unlock that one word. I’m already passing it on to my clients—because we don’t have to pick one feeling, one path, or one version of ourselves. Maybe this message was meant for you too.... I’m here to discover with you.