Let’s talk about being left out at work. Feeling included, having a seat at the table, and being valued is important to all of us. While some of us have a higher need for inclusion than others, we all know that sinking feeling of when we think we are being left out.
My experience went like this: The organization I worked for was undergoing a tremendous transition. As the transition was unfolding, I was not part of the planning that I expected to be. I heard of meetings occurring that I was not invited to, and I knew that I had so much to offer. I didn’t get much feedback from my boss at the time, and my mind started making stuff up and sabotaging my self-confidence. As my self-confidence faltered, I became almost paranoid that people were out to get me, that I was being purposefully excluded, and my role was not valued.
It’s easy to spiral into this bad space of our minds. After all, our minds are built to protect us, to get us out of harm’s way. But, as leaders we need to be able to cut through the doubt, paranoia and mistruths. Here are some tactics I discovered during my experience:
What are facts vs. stories in my mind? I wrote everything down that was happening AND that I was thinking. Once I did that, it became easy to see what were facts, and what were stories I was telling myself. Being able to call my bluff helped me calm down and think more rationally.
Am I taking any action? I then asked myself, “Am I sitting back and waiting for them to come to me?” “What could I be doing proactively to change the situation?” I made a list and then acted.
Are there blind spots? I thought about what blind spots I had: what about this predicament did I not know enough about? This forced me to be curious about what was happening, instead of jumping to made up judgements.
Am I working with my coach or mentor? Speaking to my coach and my mentor was so valuable- they pointed out thought errors, gave me sound advice, and guided me on who to talk to in order to get better information. They also helped me develop my strategies for taking massive action.
Ask for feedback: I found trusted colleagues and co-workers that could provide real constructive feedback. I listened, absorbed, and changed my behaviors and am so grateful to have gotten this gift.
Get out of your comfort zone: In order to change my situation, I knew I needed to do uncomfortable things. I had to ask to be in the room, I needed to meet with people to pitch why I could help early on, and I had to get feedback without taking it personally. These all made me uncomfortable, but I was pleasantly surprised to see how open others were to my ideas.
Don’t ignore your gut: You intuition is an important tool- don’t ignore it! I’ve gotten physically sick over a work experience that my gut was trying to warn them about and they ignored it. Your body will also tell you when you are moving in the right direction- it did for me when I started taking action, getting feedback and getting out of my comfort zone- my body was relaxed and I was able to move forward.
Protect yourself: While taking action and getting out of your comfort zone is important, so is making sure you are prepared for any outcome. Most of the time, we are not in control of the event, so it is wise to have a back-up plan. That may be as simple as a new approach to influence, and as drastic as having your resume updated. The bottom line is: Be prepared for all the possible outcomes.
For my example, these tactics proved to be successful. I was not engaged early on to save my resources for another urgent need until a more critical time in the transition. If I had not taken these steps, however, I would have swirled and made stuff up and let my mind run ragged.
How will you manage your mind when you are left out? I can’t wait to hear.
To work with The Sinha Group, schedule a free consult at www.thesinhgroup.net
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