Accepting the Unacceptable

Some things in life are so hard, we wish they weren’t true. A loss we didn’t see coming. A diagnosis we didn’t want to hear. A change in life that feels unfair. We say to ourselves, “This can’t be happening.” But it is.

Its normal to go through a range of emotions.  Disbelief, anger, bitterness, regret, sadness and denial.    

When we fight with reality, we end up fighting with ourselves. We get stuck in the “shoulds” and “what-ifs.” This shouldn’t have happened. They should have been there. What if I had done something different? These thoughts loop over and over, but they don’t change the truth. All they do is make the pain heavier.

I've experienced this. I thought for a long time that if I’d worked differently, I wouldn’t have been let go.  If I’d acted faster, my daughter would not have broker her arm.  And on and on.

I’ve learned that accepting the unacceptable doesn’t mean liking it. It doesn’t mean saying it’s okay or fair. It means loosening my grip on the way I wish things were, and opening my hands to the way things are.

Here’s what that’s looked like for me:

• Pausing before I push back on reality. When my mom passed suddenly, I caught myself saying, “This can’t be real.” I started taking a deep breath before letting those words take root. It didn’t erase the pain, but it gave me a small pause to feel instead of fight.

• Letting ourselves grieve without a timeline. Grief comes in waves—sometimes we feel strong, other times we are back in the raw ache of day one. I stopped telling myself I “should” be further along.

• Finding one small thing we can control when everything else feels out of my hands. During caretaking for a loved one, I couldn’t control the illness, but I could make sure they had fresh flowers in the room every day. It gave me a sense of purpose without trying to change the unchangeable.

• Speaking gently to myself when frustration showed up. When I felt angry or irritable with my family, I’d remind myself, “You’re tired. You’re hurting. It’s okay to feel this way.”

• Focusing on what is still good even in the middle of loss. After my friend’s illness progressed, friends rallied around her with meals, notes, and hugs. I let myself see those moments as small lifeboats in the storm.

• Letting go of “fair.” When a friend faced an unfair work decision, I realized how much time we both spent saying, “It’s just not fair.” The truth? It wasn’t. But staying there only kept the wound open. We shifted to asking, “What’s the next right step?”

• Accepting help even when I wanted to be the strong one. During a week when everything seemed to hit at once—family needs, business deadlines, and a friend in crisis—I let someone else handle dinner, and it felt like a gift to my soul.

  
  

Acceptance is not giving up. It’s giving ourselves the chance to live with reality instead of wrestling against it. It’s saying, “This is hard. This is not what I wanted. But I can still find my way.”

If you’re in a season of accepting something you never wanted to face, I hope you give yourself time, space, and the kindness you’d give to someone you love. Because you deserve it.