Reclaiming My Pool: Turning Triggers into Healing

My pool opened today. It’s usually my favorite time of the year. I love the cool, blue water I can see from my office windows. Moving water in my side view always brings me calm and happiness.

But this year is different. Last summer, my mom went into sudden cardiac arrest in my pool. She didn’t survive. We did CPR on her poolside. The paramedics worked on her poolside. It was traumatic in every way.

The pool has been a constant reminder of that horrible day since June 28, 2024. We didn’t use it for most of the summer, and I honestly couldn’t wait to close it in the fall. Even with the pool cover, the images kept coming back. I changed my office layout and closed the blinds—all so I wouldn’t have to relive it. My beautiful oasis backyard became a view of sadness, grief, and trauma.

But we’ve been planning for today. I want a way to move past this. My mom loved this pool, and I know she would want us to enjoy it again. So how do I change the narrative of this space? How do I change a place that triggers pain into one that brings healing?

Here’s how I’m starting to rewire this trigger:

1. Acknowledging and Honoring My Grief

I’m letting myself feel the sadness and the loss without pushing it away. Instead of trying to avoid it, I’m creating a small, private ritual by the pool to honor my mom. Lighting a candle, saying a quiet prayer, or just sitting by the water and talking to her. It’s my way of saying, “I miss you, and I love you.”

2. Reclaiming the Space with Intention

We’re planning a special day at the pool, not just any day—but a celebration. A day filled with laughter, love, and joy, just like my mom would have wanted. I want to create new memories in this space—happy ones that can stand alongside the painful ones.

3. Creating a Visual Reset

I’ve decided to freshen up the area. Maybe some new plants, a cozy seating area, or even soft lights around the pool. A few small changes to make the space look new and feel like a place of comfort again.

4. Practicing Mindful Presence

I know the memories will still come, but I’m learning to breathe through them. When the anxiety hits, I gently remind myself that I’m safe, that this is a place of love and not just loss. I focus on the sound of the water, the feel of the breeze, and the beauty of the sky.

5. Turning the Trigger into a Tribute

I’ve decided to make the pool a place that honors my mom’s memory. I’ve added a small garden by the pool in her memory with a simple plaque that reminds me of her love. This way, it’s not just a reminder of the pain but also a celebration of who she was.  My mom loved this pool- it gives me a little comfort to know she took her last natural breath in this happy place for her.

6. Talking About It

I’m choosing not to keep this inside. I talk to my family about how I feel. We share stories about Mom, and we remember how much she loved the pool. I don’t want to be alone with this pain, and I don’t have to be.

7. Using Affirmations and Self-Coaching

When I feel the panic or the sadness creeping in, I remind myself:

• “This space is a place of love, joy, and healing.”

• “I am allowed to feel sad, but I am also allowed to heal.”

• “Mom’s memory is a source of comfort, not just of loss.”

  
  

8. Giving Myself Permission to Seek Support

I know this is a journey, and I don’t have to do it alone. If the memories become too overwhelming, I’ll reach out to my therapist, my coach, or a friend. There’s no shame in needing support.

I’m not expecting this to be easy. I know the memories won’t simply vanish. But I also know that this pool was a place of joy, and it can be again. I’m choosing to create new memories here—not to forget, but to honor my mom in a way that she would love.

If you’re struggling with a trigger of your own, I want you to know that healing is possible. It takes time, intention, and a lot of kindness toward yourself. But it can happen.